春天的十四行诗

独孤冰龙 · 发表于 2010-5-14 20:01:53

The Poem of the spring

By tokgo ice dragon

Too many days you have been asleep for.

Can’t you feel the tears of snow are dropping.

There are also the callings of the God.

A girl named spring is waiting for coming.

The sun now is breaking over the sea.

And it’s been another beautiful day.

The shinning is touching the face of me.

Feeling so good and then I want to pray.

Finally you wake up from the nightmare.

The flowers start laughing on the branches.

So lot of happiness we’re going to share.

The soft wind starts telling moving stories.

Now the girl is singing by the window.

In the blue sky there comes back the swallow.

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飞花 · 发表于 2010-5-14 22:33:23

Now the girl is singing by the window.

In the blue sky there comes back the swallow.
很漂亮

独孤冰龙 · 发表于 2010-5-16 08:58:52

多谢飞版赏识。

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【西】悟不空 · 发表于 2010-5-25 10:33:28

:45)还是鹰语。。。。

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扉扉 · 发表于 2010-5-26 10:13:40

The soft wind starts telling moving stories 美妙

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海外逸士 · 发表于 2010-6-3 03:02:17

複數gods不用大寫。與前面for不押韻。

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海外逸士 · 发表于 2010-12-18 23:08:44

I can see that you made some revisions, but there's still sth to be correctedl
Too many days you have been asleep. (no need to put "for" here)
Can’t you feel the tears of snow dropping. (no need to put "are" here)
There's also the calling of God. (callings = job. don't put "the" before capital God)
A girl named spring is going to come.
The day now is breaking over the sea.
And there’ll be another beautiful day.
The sunshine is touching the face of me.
Feeling so good and then I want to pray.

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夏聖一 · 发表于 2011-1-31 13:11:25

最后的英雄对句还可以打磨一下。。。

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孝ミ娃ミ · 发表于 2011-4-1 14:32:17

Now the girl is singing by the window.
In the blue sky there comes back the swallow.

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孝ミ娃ミ · 发表于 2011-4-1 14:33:09

Too many days you have been asleep for.
Can’t you feel the tears of snow are dropping.
There are also the callings of the God.
A girl named spring is waiting for coming.
很美！！问候冰龙·············

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孝ミ娃ミ · 发表于 2011-4-1 14:34:20

Finally you wake up from the nightmare.
The flowers start laughing on the branches.
So lot of happiness we’re going to share.
The soft wind starts telling moving stories.

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辛农 · 发表于 2011-10-11 10:01:58

怎不翻译

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