月落烏啼霜滿天﹐江楓漁火對愁眠。姑蘇城外寒山寺﹐夜半鐘聲到客船。
1) Anchored Overnight at Maple Bridge
Crows caw the moon set frost fills the sky 中間應該用逗號
River maples fishing fires care-plagued sleep 中間應該用逗號。FIRE指燈火
不妥
Coming from Cold Mountain Temple outside the Suzhou wall--WALL多餘
The sound of the midnight bell reaches a traveler's boat 整首詩不簡潔
(tr. by Bill Porter)丙等
2) Moored for the Night by the Maple Bridge不簡潔
The moon is down, ravens caw, a frostiness fills the sky;
By the riverside maples and fishing lights, sad, insomnious I lie.原文沒
失眠之意
Beyond the walls of Gusu City, where Hanshan Monastery stands,
Bong, goes the bell at midnight to touch the boat of the passer-by.整首詩
不簡潔
(tr. by 黃宏發)丙等
3) 題缺
The crows crying, the moon lost in the frost-sky, 何來LOST之意
Asleep I feel sad with the maples in fishing light. 不確切
Outside Gusu the Cold-Hill Temple stands upright,--UPRIGHT多餘
Her bell tone reaching my boat at mid-night.不簡潔
(tr. by 朱曼華)丙等
4) A Night Mooring by the Maple Bridge
The moon drooped low and crows cawed in the frosty sky,
Staring at riverside maple trees and lights on fishing boats is my melancholy
sleeplessness. 太長。原文無失眠之意
From the Cold Mountain Temple in the Suzhou environs
Came the midnight toll all the way to visitors' boats telling time. 不簡
潔。不是喪鐘
(tr. by 南緯28° )
5) A NIGHT-MOORING NEAR MAPLE BRIDGE
While I watch the moon go down, a crow caws through the frost; 不確切
Under the shadows of maple-trees a fisherman moves with his torch; 錯譯
And I hear, from beyond Suzhou, from the temple on Cold Mountain, 不簡潔
Ringing for me, here in my boat, the midnight bell. 鐘非為我敲
(translator unknown)丁等
6) Maple Bridge Night Mooring不能用中文詞序
Moon set, a crow caws, frost fills the sky,--SET缺S
River, maple, fishing-fires cross my troubled sleep.不能這麼譯的
Beyond the walls of Su-chou from cold Mountain temple,
The midnight bell sounds reach my boat.
(tr. by Gary Snyder) 丙等
7) MOORING BY MAPLE BRIDGE AT NIGHT
At moonset cry the crows, streaking the frosty sky;
Dimly lit fishing boats 'neath maples sadly lie. 不是船LIE
Beyond the city walls, from Temple of Cold Hill 漏譯姑蘇
Bells break the ship-borne roamer's dream and midnight still. 不確切
(translator unknown)丙等
本人譯文﹕
Anchoring by Maple Bridge at Night
The moon sets, crows caw and frost all over the sky;
With riverside maples, fishermen's lamps, I sleep in woe.
From Cold Mountain Temple outside City Gusu,
Comes the midnight bell to the traveler's boat.
---------------------------
評(宋)王安石“梅花”3 種英譯
牆角數枝梅﹐凌寒獨自開。遙知不是雪﹐為有暗香來。
1) Plum Blossoms
There are a few plun trees in the corner of garden; 不一定是園角
They bloom Alone in the struggle against severe cold. 原文沒STRUGGLE之意
You know from far they're white bloosoms instead of snow 不確切
Because of thier faint fragrance flowing through the air. 太不簡潔
(tr. by 曾沖明)丙等
2) Plum Blossoms
A few plum twigs at the corner of the wall 用TWIGS不妥
Blossoming all alone, defying the cold!
Even from afar they cannot be mistaken for snow,
For a delicate fragrance comes wafting with the breeze.原文沒提風
(tr. by 文殊、王晉熙、鄧炎昌)丙+
3) MUME BLOSSOMS----MUME﹖
At the wall coner mume trees grow;
Against the cold they bloom apart.--APART用得不確
How could we know they are not snow?原文不是問句
For fragrance unseen they impart.唯一可取是簡潔
(translator unknown)丙+
本人譯文﹕
Plum Blossoms
At a wall corner some plum trees grow;
Alone against cold their blossoms blow.
Aloof one knows they aren't the snow,
As faint through air soft fragrances flow.
------------------------------------
評(唐)王昌齡“閨怨”7 種英譯
閨中少婦不知愁， 春日凝妝上翠樓。 忽見陌頭楊柳色， 悔教夫婿覓封侯。
1) IN HER QUIET WINDOW 不確切
Too young to have learned what sorrow means, 不確切
Attired for spring, she climbs to her high chamber.
The new green of the street-willows is wounding her heart 亂譯
Just for a title she sent him to war. 不確切
(translator unknown)丁+
2) SORROW OF A YOUNG 不確切
Nothing in her boudoir brings sorrow to the bride;表達不妥
She mounts the tower, gaily dressed, on a spring day.
Suddenly seeing the willows green by the roadside,
How she regrets her lord seeking fame far away!是覓封侯﹐不僅是名望
(translator unknown)丙等
3) Remorse in a Boudoir
The young noble lady never knows any sorrows;--NOBLE多餘
Gaily dressed in spring, she looks through windows. 後半錯譯
She suddenly regrets goading her man to hunt fame
When she catches sight of green wayside willows.
(來自“唐詩宋詞英譯”)丙+
4) Bedchamber Regret
There was a young woman in her bedchamber who had not a thing to worry,
太不簡潔
On a spring day she dressed up to visit a fine edifice. 是登樓
A sudden glance of fresh willowy banks on the wayside 不簡潔
Made her regret ever urging her husband to pursue high office. 不確切
(南緯28° )丙等
5) Regret 漏譯閨字
A lady fair that nothing knows of care 顛倒不妥
In bright array
On a springtime day 不能如此分行
Mounts to the tower of her leaf-emerald bower. 後半多餘
Sudden she sees the wayside willow trees 該用SUDDENLY
In light hues clad:
And her heart is sad, 這兩行多餘
She bade her lord win glory of the sword. 不確切
(John Turner )丁等
6) In the Spring 題錯譯
Within (t)he peaceful chamber, no care the maid oppressed;不簡潔
Until the verdant Tower she climbed one springtide, gaily dressed. 不需UNTIL
The stir of sprouting foliage beyond the street she saw. 前半錯譯
Regret she'd sent her love to fame rose swelling in her breast. 後半不知
所云
(W.Fletcher)丁等
7) Sorrow of a Young Bride in Her Boudoir不簡潔
Nothing in her boudoir bring sorrow to the bride, 不確切
She mounts the tower, gaily dressed on a spring day,
Suddenly seeing the green willow by the roadside,
She signs for her husband seeking fame far away. 是SIGH吧。覓封侯呢﹖
(許淵沖)丙等
本人譯文﹕
Remorse of a Female
The young wife in her chamber who knows no sorrow,
Mounts emerald tower, dressed fully on a spring day.
All at once she sees the green of roadside willow,
Regrets letting her man seek marquisate far away.
-------------------------------------
評(唐)王翰“涼州詞”6 種英譯
葡萄美酒夜光杯， 欲飲琵琶馬上催。 醉臥沙場君莫笑， 古來征戰幾人回。
1) A SONG OF LIANGZHOU
They sing, they drain their cups of jade, 亂譯
They strum on horseback their guitars. 亂譯
Why laugh when they fall asleep drunk on the sand ? 是沙場﹐不是在沙上。
ASLEEP多餘。不是問句。
How many soldiers ever come home? 不確切
(translator unknown)丁等
2) STARTING FOR THE FRONT 錯譯
With wine of grapes the cups of jades would glow at night;夜光杯是一個名
詞。錯譯
Drinking to pipa songs, we are summoned to fight.原文沒有SONG。錯譯。
don't laugh if we lay drunken on the battleground!君字漏譯
How many warriors ever came back safe and sound?古來漏譯
(translator unknown)丁等
3) Song of Liangzhou
A grape wine so fine, a cup that gleams at night;後半錯譯
To drink on I'd love, but for the call to fight. [Let's drink and be merry!
Guitars on horseback invite.(revised 7.2.11)] [To drink and be merry, the
pipas on horseback invite. (revised 8.2.11)]都譯得非常不確切
Jeer not, oh sneer not, if in battle drunken I lie; [Jeer not, oh sneer
not, if in battle drunk I lie;(revised 4.2.11)] [Cheer not, oh jeer not,
if in battle drunk I lie; (revised 8.2.11)]不是IN BATTLE。這是低級錯誤。
How many, we soldiers, ever came home all right?漏譯古來
(黃宏發)丁等
4) A REASON FAIR 亂譯
Tis night: the grape-juice mantles high in cups of gold galore;亂譯
We set to drink,-- but now the bugle sounds to horse once more.是馬上催﹐
不是催上馬。
Oh, marvel not if drunken we lie strewed about the plain;不確切
How few of all who seek the fight shall e'er come bank again!不確切。整首
不簡潔
(Herbert A. Giles )丁等
5) Liangzhou Verses
Fine red wine glitters in a jade chalice that glows in the night, 後半錯
譯
Before I could drink it come lyre notes giving orders to mount the horse.
是馬上催﹐不是催上馬。錯譯
Laugh not, I pray you, at my tipsiness that may see me fall drunk on the
battlefield, 太嚕囌
For how many have been able to return in the history of war? 不確切
(南緯28° )丙等
6) 題缺
Wine of the grape from the cups that glow in the night 後半錯譯
We long to drink but the pipa urgently summons. 後半錯譯
If we lie drunk on the battlefield, don't mock us friend:
Since the old days, how many fighters ever got back? 不夠簡潔
(高農﹑張仲良)丙+
本人譯文﹕
A Verse Of Liangzhou
The delicious grape wine in gleaming Night-Hue Cups;
About to drink, the lute played to urge by players on horses.
Don't you laugh, if drunken we lie down on the battlefields,
For since old time how few return alive from wars!
------------------------------
評(唐)李白“黃鶴樓送孟浩然之廣陵”5 種英譯
故人西辭黃鶴樓， 煙花三月下揚州。 孤帆遠影碧空盡， 惟見長江天際流。
1) A FAREWELL TO MENG HAORAN ON HIS WAY TO YANGZHOU 不確切
You have left me behind, old friend, at the Yellow Crane Terrace, 不確切
On your way to visit Yangzhou in the misty month of flowers; 是在三月
Your sail, a single shadow, becomes one with the blue sky, 盡字沒譯出來
Till now I see only the river, on its way to heaven. 是長江。流字漏譯
(translator unknown)丁等
2) SEEING MENG HAORAN OFF AT YELLOW CRANE TOWER 漏譯“之廣陵”
My friend had left the west where the Yollow Crane towers,錯譯
For River Town green with willows and red with flowers.亂譯
His lessening sail is lost in the boundless blue sky,不夠確切
Where I see but the endless River rolling by.亂譯
(許淵沖)丁等
3) At the Yellow Crane Tower to Bid Meng Haoran Bon Voyage to Guangling
At the Yellow Crane Tower, my friend, to the west you said goodbye; 後半
錯譯
In this misty, flowery glorious spring, downstream for Yangzhou you ply.
是三月
A speck, a silhouette, your solitary sail, toward the verdant hills receding,
till 亂譯。
My eyes but descry the grand Long River, rolling to the verge of the sky.
亂譯
(黃宏發)丁等
4) Seeing Meng Haoran Off from Yellow Crane Tower 漏譯“之廣陵”
At Yellow Crane Tower in the west
My old friend says farewell;應該是一行
In the mist and flowers of spring是三月
He goes down to Yangzhou;
Lonely sail, distant shadow,
Vanish in blue emptiness;不確切
All I see is the great river是長江
Flowing into the far horizon.
（來自中國文學出版社所編資料）丙等
5) A Farewell Song to Meng Haoran at Yellow Crane Tower漏譯“之廣陵”
From west Crane Tower my friend is on his way 不確切
Down to Yangzhou in misty, flowery May. 是三月
A sail's faint figure dots the blue sky's end不確切
Where seen but River rolling till its bend.不確切
（王大濂 譯）丙等
本人譯文﹕
See Meng Haoran off to Guangling in Yellow Crane Tower
To Yellow Crane Tower in west my friend now says goodbye,
And heading down for Yangzhou in misty and flowery March.
The distant shadow of a lonely sail's melting into the end of blue sky,
Seen only the Yangtze River flowing under horizontal arch.
--------------------------
評王昌齡“出塞”3 種英譯
秦時明月漢時關， 萬里長征人未還。 但使龍城飛將在， 不教胡馬渡陰山。
1) OVER THE BORDER
The moon goes back to the time of Qin, the wall to the time of Han, 不確
切。見下面分析
And the road our troops are travelling goes back three hundred miles 錯譯
Oh, for the Winged General at the Dragon City -- 不確切
That never a Tartar horseman might cross the Yin Mountains! 不很確切
(梧桐鳳舞)丙等
2)Out of a Frontier Fortress 不確切
The same moon and the same pass as in Han and Qin, 見下面分析
Yet fighters from afar have not chalked up a win.不確切
Would that the Winged General Li were now still 翻譯裡不能這樣分行
Living, to drive Hun horsemen off Mountain Yin!不確切
(陳君朴)丙等
3) Over the Border
The same moon of ancient Qin also shined on the same fort of historic Han,
不確切。見下面分析
Hardly any made a return from thousand-league marching expedition.
If only the Winged General of Han were around to fight the township of Basilisk,
不簡潔
The barbarians and their horses would never have dared to cross the Mountains
of Yin. 不簡潔
(南緯28° )丙+
本人譯文﹕
Across the Pass
Under the moon of Qin or at the pass of Han,
Those, fighting myriad miles away, not return yet.
The "flying" general of Dragon City, if still here,
Wouldn't let Tartar cavalry cross Mt. Yin.
說明﹕秦時的明月與漢時的關之間應該沒什麼直接關係﹐它們都與下句有關。說明
在不同時代不同情況下﹐都有人萬里長征而未還。第三句可以譯成﹕If the flying
general of Dragon City were still here, He wouldn't let ... 但現在譯文更
簡潔。雖然省掉了were﹐沒人會誤解這不是虛擬句。要譯得比這個更簡潔恐怕不可
能了。所以翻譯只要達意即可﹐決不必拘泥於一般語法規則。詩有自己的規律。
-------------------------------
評王之渙“出塞”2 種英譯
黃河遠上白雲間， 一片孤城萬仞山。 羌笛何須怨楊柳， 春風不度玉門關。
1) BEYOND THE BORDER
Where a yellow river climbs to the white clouds, 不確切
Near the one city-wall among ten-thousand-foot mountains,
A Tartar under the willows is lamenting on his flute 錯譯
That spring never blows to him through the Jade Pass----TO HIM 多餘
(translator unknown)丙-
2) Over the Border
The Yellow River into the clouds winds and undulates, 不確切
One lone township lies among towering mountain ranges.
Why play the lamenting Willow Ballad on your Jiang flutes,
When you know the Gate of Jade spring and barrenness separates. 不確切
(南緯28° )丙+
本人譯文﹕
Across the Pass
The Yellow River looks far up in white clouds,
The single town among hills myriad feet high.
Tartar flute mustn't play plaintive tune of "Willow Snapping",
Since the spring wind never crossing the Jade Gate Pass.
總結﹕本人收集評論了許多中外人士翻譯的古人詩﹐也看到過許多譯詩﹐雖然沒有
全部收集評論。本人只能對這些譯詩得出如下結論﹕按簡潔確切達意原則看﹐基本
沒有能達到這個標準的譯詩。還沒有談及節奏感問題。要把古人詩詞英譯好﹐得有
兩個條件﹕對古人詩詞須有深切造詣﹔對英文寫譯要有較高水平。現在看到的譯詩
至少反映出﹕要麼對古人詩的理解不透﹐要麼英文寫譯水平不夠﹐才會出這樣那樣
的問題。有的簡直按自己的意思亂譯﹐與原文意思大相徑庭。像這樣譯詩﹐豈非褻
瀆古人。自上一代教授學者謝世之後﹐中國這方面已經青黃不接﹐人才斷代。
是不可嘆孰可嘆歟。
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发表于 2011-7-31 22:05:08
发表于 2011-11-30 23:39:58
